Monday, May 14, 2012

you know I was born to lose, and gambling's for fools

So far, there are people camping outside the newest money pit in My Fair City, the cops are out in riot gear so that The Bus People don't scare away the Fine Upstanding Members of Society who want to buy tacky clothing and gamble away their children's inheritance. Not that we had one coming anyway.  Oh well, we'll just be Detroit in another few years as it is.
Public Safety and Downtown Cleveland Alliance ambassadors are out in full force, but you still need to use common sense and follow safety guidelines, if you decide to visit the Casino.

Casino Safety Tip No. 1: Look out for your valuables.
Your valuables are the main target of petty criminals inside the casino. When playing in the slot machines or table games, make sure that your purse is on your lap or in front of you. Never put it on top of chairs or tables as it can get snatched away easily. Also remember to beware of those who bump you along the way. When walking inside the casino, always place a firm hand on the zipper of your purse or at the pocket where you store your wallet. On the other hand, wallets are safer when they are in the side pocket because they are harder to fish out.
Nevermind the big criminals that are robbing you blind from the top.
Casino Safety Tip No. 2:

Forget the fanny pack. Fanny packs are adequate for you basic essentials, but not for your valuables. For instance, you can place you slot club cards and sunglasses inside the fanny pack but not the cash and wallet. Thieves look at fanny pack as targets because they are easy to grab. Wallets with chains are safer when it comes to storing your money.
I haven't seen a fanny pack since my art professor in undergrad. Seriously? People still wear those things? We're not known for our sartorial acumen, but wow.

Casino Safety Tip No. 3:

Never brag about your newfound money. First-time players often get excited about winning a huge amount of cash, and often flaunt it inside the casino. Flaunting your money is obviously extremely dangerous. Always take time to place the cash in your purse or wallet before you leave the redemption cage.
 Casino Safety Tip No. 4:

Do not hesitate to avail of the casino safety services. Casinos place a minimum amount in which they hand out checks instead of cash and therefore make you money safer. Security guards in most casinos are also available upon requests, as they will gladly escort you to a cab or to the parking lot.
Because those people riding the bus are scary.
Casino Safety Tip No. 5:

Stay safe when you head outside. You should be extra cautious when looking after your safety as soon as you step outside the casino. Make sure to be careful in elevators and in desolated hotel corridors. Do not go near someone who makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, and always be alert for the undesirable things to come ahead.


  1. "Your valuables are the main target of petty criminals inside the casino."

    You don't say.

  2. We'd better stop hanging out in desolated alleys, homie.