must I paint you a picture

So me and homie went down to see Billy Bragg last night, after hanging out on my front porch awhile, and decided we weren't interested in the opener so we wandered around Kent and I geeked out over all my old haunts and how much it's changed down there... the apartments where Devo lived are gone, the "pet sematary" art installation that me and my roommates loved is replaced by a big house, the swings on the playground that we used to haunt have been replaced by park benches to keep The Children safe, my old grotty house on College Street is still there, but the street was really quiet that night. We loved hanging out down the river, walking along in the darkness along the paths, something I would never do on my own, and bailed over a fence across the railroad tracks to get back like the punkass teenagers that we sometimes still feel like.

Maybe we were in the wrong mood the whole night, maybe it was the comfortable chairs and the relative affluence of the general demographic. Maybe it was that we're economically hovering a few grand above the poverty line and can only afford a reasonable quality of life because we live in an extremely economically depressed region, so it's hard to hear about "power in a union" and the "working class" when your experience with unions has been so negative and someone's singing about it who probably hasn't been in one for decades, and you're trying to figure out what to do as winter comes and work gets slow and you wonder how you're going to make ends meet.

Maybe because you know too much, and there's something a little embarrassing about watching a guy justify his kissing the Queen's hand because his mom likes the Queen, and talking about his cowboy boots and authentic western shirts, and lambasting the usual easy targets and talking about the working man and how England is so much better at everything, which is kind of crazy because even though it's got healthcare, it's still pretty damn anti-immigrant.

So Thatcher's dead, but there's a lot of other scumbag powers that be that are still alive that you could go after, but heaven forbid you offend that demographic by suggesting that the current administration might suck as much as the last one so let's just talk about crazy wingnuts right? Because both parties aren't pretty much the same or anything. It's hard for me to believe in power to the people when the majority of people are selfish mofos who don't care much for their fellow humans as long as they get what they want. Yeah, healthcare's important, but last time I checked your country and my country were getting cozy about surveilling on dissenters, but who wants to hear about that? We want to feel good about feeling smart and progressive! I do have to give him props for dissing Dawkins, but otherwise. Low hanging fruit's already been picked clean.

It's awkward and strangely hilarious watching an old punk rabblerouser try to validate himself and act like he's all radical when he's got a big mansion in a crackerific oceanside town and writes get-off-my-lawn screeds in the newspaper aimed at those skateboarders who get in the way of big developers. And then to see the audience hanging on every word without necessarily questioning anything, and I wonder what the hell happened to me, have I really swung to the left of this guy? 

 And so  we're sitting off to the side, happy to hear the occasional song we wanted to hear, but feeling like it's not terribly fair to our fellow concertgoers ( no one was really sitting too close to us) if we're going to whisper snarkitudes to each other and be bent over trying not to laugh out loud, so we leave about halfway through, take another spin through the town down the sidestreets and past the grain elevators and drive back to Clevelandia laughing to stay up way too late again.

best of the blotter: bleeding markers, batman fanboys, and buddhist monks.

YELLING, NORTH COURT: Police were called to a restaurant at about 6:20 p.m. June 15 upon a report that a group of juveniles was making a disturbance. When officers arrived, they found a large group of juveniles, wearing fake mustaches, and yelling at vehicles driving past the restaurant. Officers warned the boys about using inappropriate language. No citations were issued.

SUSPICION, BUNTS ROAD: A pizza delivery driver told police a customer had paid for her food with cash stolen in a bank robbery June 15, but the incident turned out to be a much less nefarious circumstance. According to reports, then Pizza Hut driver noticed that the bills he received from his Bunts Road delivery were covered in orange marker, from what he suspected was an exploded dye pack, similar to those used by bank employees during robberies. Officers investigated and found the dye in question was really just an orange marker that had leaked in the customer’s purse and gotten on the bills. The woman even showed police the leaky marker and matched it to the stains on the money.

DISTURBANCE, LAKEWOOD AVENUE: Neighbors called police June 16 when they heard a woman screaming from inside her home. Officers investigated and found that a friend of the homeowner had made a surprise visit from out of town and startled the woman, causing her to scream.

DISTURBANCE, BEACH ROAD: Neighbors called police June 15 when they heard a man in a minivan screaming just after 1:15 a.m. According to reports, the man told police he was “complimenting the Coast Guard on their boat.” Officers noted the man was not driving while impaired at the time of the incident.

MAN IN CAPE
 A man dressed in a full black cape caught the attention of police at SouthPark Mall about 10 p.m. June 16. A report said the man was pacing, sweating and acting weird. He allowed an officer to search him and checked out okay, the report said. He was at the mall to watch the midnight showing of a Batman movie.


Monk Business
A witness reported three men in orange jumpsuits walking down Pearl Road shortly after midnight June 10.
Police said the men were monks from a local temple.

best of the blotter: rednecks, crackers, and polka convention arsonists

DINE AND DASH, PEARL ROAD: A patron didn’t leave any cash to cover his $90 bill before leaving a restaurant at 11:55 p.m. May 21, but he did leave his phone number with a waitress. Officers planned to return to follow up on the situation.

DISTURBING THE PEACE, ROYALTON ROAD: A man was asked to leave Giant Eagle at about 3:30 p.m. May 20 after he was seen singing to the potted plants.
The man agreed to leave the store.

THEFT, DOULA DRIVE: A woman reported on May 20 that her mother’s lower dentures were stolen some time in early May.
The woman admitted that the dentures could have been lost or misplaced.

ROAD RAGE, PEARL ROAD: Apparently angry that another driver had blown her horn at them, two men in a Chevrolet truck with deer horns and “redneck” stickers on the back window threw garbage at her car through their window at 6:05 p.m. May 20. The woman then followed them into the Walmart parking lot, claiming that they had cut her off twice on the road. Both parties had different stories when officers arrived at the parking lot. The woman chose not to press charges against the men, but asked that officers advise them of their actions. Officers did, and both went on their ways.

RACIST DISTURBANCE, ROYALTON ROAD: The corner of Royalton and Prospect roads became the site of an impromptu white pride demonstration at 11:55 p.m. May 19. An employee at Sheetz called police and said at least five people had gathered in the corner of the parking lot, set up lawn chairs and were yelling “white power,” and customers were complaining.
When officers arrived, four or five pickup trucks were leaving.

Weekend at Bernie's' Situation

A motorist on I-71 reported May 26 that a passenger in a truck she was following on I-71 looked dead.

The truck exited on Royalton Road, and police stopped the vehicle in front of David's Bridal about 1:30 p.m.

"Everyone in the vehicle is alive and well," a report said.

Dispatchers called the woman back to let her know the passenger was fine.

Car Fire May Be Arson

A Vermilion man staying at the Holiday Inn for the recent polka convention came out to find his car on fire early May 27.
Janowski said a man pumping gas at the Shell station about 3:20 a.m. saw the car in the lot next door in flames.The fire appeared to start near the gas tank, indicating a possible arson, Janowski said.

The victim told police he had no idea who would target his car.

NEIGHBOR TROUBLE, SUNSET ROAD: A man said May 31 his neighbor yelled at him because she said he left a cup in the street. He said the cup was left by landscapers. He was told to call back if the neighbor gave him any more problems.

HARASSMENT, WALLINGS ROAD: At least one neighbor of St. Albert the Great has had enough of the church’s bells.
A woman confronted church officials numerous times this year to complain about the volume of the church bells and also contacted police about the issue.
At one point, the woman accused a church official of committing murder, because, she said, the church bells were killing her.
On May 31, the church received a postcard from an anonymous source complaining about the bells and pointing out that “I wouldn’t walk across the street to hear you perverts!”
While the church decreased the volume of the bells earlier this year, police have found no cause to alter them.

 Berea police escort woman from bingo hall

Berea police arrived at St. Adalbert parish Sunday about a bingo player who refused to leave the hall when asked.
The woman, according to the report, created problems for two weeks at the bingo games and was asked to leave. She said she would leave only if police told her to do so.
When police asked her to leave the facility, she said she did not have to and gave the officers her attorney’s name but not his phone number.
The woman finally agreed to leave the property if the officers made a report about the matter. Police then escorted her out of the bingo hall. She was told not to return to the facility.
The report also said another bingo player thanked police for their actions.

best of the blotter: Batman, Gatorade, and Gospel

SUSPICIOUS SITUATION, ROYALTON ROAD: A woman at the Ehrnfelt Recreation Center’s caf was drinking a Gatorade at 12:25 p.m. Feb. 19, when she left her drink unattended and returned to find it was a different color.
An officer entered the bottle into evidence, and the case is under investigation.

PHONE CALLS, LAKE MEADOWS DRIVE: Some scam artists are creative, but few are as honest with their victims as a scam targeting a Strongsville resident reported at 12:30 p.m. Feb. 18.
The man told police he had received three calls from an unknown number, which he didn’t answer. But when he called the number back, he got a voice recording stating “it was a fraud and they want his money, but if he reports it they’ll just change the number.
The man was advised not to call the number or answer calls from it again.

POSSIBLE DUI: Dispatch received a call about a driver who looked like he was under the influence at approximately 6:30 p.m. Feb. 23. The officer discovered it was a student learning how to drive. 

WELFARE CHECK, WHITNEY ROAD: A group of children was standing on the tree lawn at the West 130th Street intersection at noon Feb. 18. But what spurred a driver to call police was one of the children, dressed in a Batman costume and holding a sign that read “Need Parents.”
Police located the children matching the description, and the boy dressed up as Batman said it was only a joke, “because Batman doesn’t have parents.”
The children were taken home, their parents were notified and the children were warned of standing in the street.

THEFT, BARTHOLOMEW DRIVE: A Middleburg Height’s man’s collection of Hawaiian girls calendars was stolen from his front porch Feb. 11. The calendars had been delivered to his house and before the man could retrieve the package, it was stolen. 

DISTURBANCE, COLORADO AVENUE: A clerk at a gas station reported two truck drivers were fighting in the parking lot on Feb. 21. The report said they were fighting after one driver cut in front of the other at the gas pump. One of the drivers brandished a window squeegee to defend himself. Both parties were advised on their actions and left the premises.

DISTURBANCE, CLARENCE AVENUE: A call was received at 5:15 a.m. on Feb. 20, complaining of a woman yelling in the boiler room in the basement of an apartment building. When officers investigated, they found the woman was not threatening anyone, and lived in an apartment in the basement. The woman told officers she was singing gospel songs. She was advised by police to keep it down. 

COMPLAINT, MADISON AVENUE: Shortly after 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 21, a man called to complain that there is an elderly woman leaving disturbing mail in his mailbox, and he wanted officers to ask her to stop. The man said she walks around everywhere, and writes on scrap paper and leaves it in mailboxes. The man said he thinks the woman believes this is a church, and that is why she writes religious propaganda and puts it in his mailbox. He said he would call back if he saw her again.

best of the blotter: Return of the Cleaning Fairy, Cult Members, and Darn Kids

The gift that scares people - Suspicious packages in the form of a Christmas presents created quite a stir at Theodore Roosevelt High School on Dec 11.
High school administrators couldn't account for the packages, so they called Kent Police to make sure the packages weren't some kind of threat.
Canine units responded and students, who were arriving for the start of school at about 7 a.m., were directed away from the school entrance.
Ultimately, school officials learned that the packages were used as props in a holiday play by students at the elementary school and they were dropped off at the high school after hours Monday.

CLOWN SIGHTING, BASSETT LANE: With Halloween a couple weeks in the past, a clown dressed in a neon outfit caught the attention of a resident at about 2 p.m. Dec. 14.
Officers responded to the report of a female in a clown suit, who was unable to get residents, at three different homes, to answer their doors.
It took about 30 minutes, but police finally found the clown. The woman, who lived in the neighborhood, explained that she was getting ready to go to dinner with a friend and decided to wear the clown outfit. Unfortunately, she was unable to zip up the back of the outfit, which led her to seek help from her neighbors.

POSSESSION OF DRUGS, MARMORE AVENUE: A 22-year-old North Olmsted man was arrested at about 1:50 a.m. Dec. 12 after police reportedly found him with psychedelic mushrooms and a substance he called “napalm.”
Police saw the man in a car parked in front of a Marmore home. When police returned an hour later, the man was still there.
Then someone crossed the street and approach the car’s passenger-side window. The officer activated his cruiser’s overhead lights to investigate.
The man told police he was sitting in his car because his parents had kicked him out of their house. He said he was trying to contact his cousin, who lived in the Marmore home.
The license plates were expired, so police cited the man. The man said he did not have drugs or weapons but he allowed police to search his car.
Police believe the man might have been sniffing the “napalm.”

SUSPICIOUS, LAKE AVENUE: A resident reported Dec. 20 seeing a vehicle driving four to five miles-per-hour on the street. He said the vehicle went northbound on Erie Cliff Drive. The people were just looking at Christmas lights not casing the neighborhood.

SUSPICION, WARREN ROAD: Police were called when a woman and two men were taking items from a house and loading them into a white truck. The caller did not recognize any of the people. Everything was okay, the woman was moving out of the residence and the men were helping her. 

DISORDERLY CONDUCT, CEDAR ROAD: After running full-speed through Nordstrom in Beachwood Place with a Batman mask and red sunglasses on his face and a hood covering his head, a Northfield boy, 17, was arrested Dec. 23 for alarming shoppers.

CRIMINAL MISCHIEF, BRADLEY STREET: Someone spray painted a blue donkey on the
side of a man’s house. The incident was reported on Dec. 22.

INDUCING PANIC, INWOOD ROAD: Two boys, 15, trying to “out-rap“ one another when a disagreement spilled over into social media, may now face not only disciplinary action at Solon High School but possible juvenile charges as well, after police were called in Dec. 19. Apparently, one of the boys made a rap song via Facebook that was disrespectful to the other boy, which caused the other boy to make his own rap song, which was not only disrespectful but threatening in nature.
The recipient of this forwarded it to several friends’ media sites, which ultimately caused students to come forward and alert school administration. The issue will be dealt with internally by the school, as well as forwarded to the Solon Police Juvenile officer for review.

SUSPICIOUS VEHICLE, WALKER ROAD: A caller reported about 7:40 a.m. Dec. 14 that a suspicious black car was stopped behind a bank, and the occupants apparently were watching something. It was the second complaint police received about the suspicious behavior of the car’s occupants. Police spoke to the car’s owner, who explained she goes there to feed the birds every morning. 


UNDERAGE POSSESSION, HOLLAND ROAD: A student at Ford Elementary School was taken into custody Dec. 20 after he brought alcohol into the school and attempted to sell the liquor to other students.
The child made threats against a teacher. He said he did not care if officers arrested him and said he hated police.
He has been suspended from school while the school board makes a decision on his case. Charges will filed with Juvenile Court.

Shoplifting, Parma.
Parma police are looking for a would-be shoplifter who might be advised to lay off the energy drinks.
At about 4:30 p.m. Dec. 21, the man tried to leave Acme Fresh Market, 1225 West Pleasant Valley Road, with a cart full of Red Bull, crab legs and sea scallops. The total value of the merchandise was $400.
A security guard noticed that the man did not pay for the items. He confronted the man outside. The man started wrestling with the guard and the two fell to the ground.
During the struggle, the man threatened to stab the guard, although he did not show a knife. The guard let the man go and the man ran away without the merchandise.

SOLICITOR COMPLAINT, DETROIT ROAD: A resident reported on Dec. 20 that the “cleaning fairy” came to her house and said she needed money and was looking for work. The resident investigated online and learned that the woman has been charged with breaking into homes and cleaning them.

SOLICITATION, MARLOWE AVENUE: Several residents reported a group of teenage Christmas carolers coming to their homes Dec. 19 and asking for money. Police caught up with the carolers on Roosevelt Avenue. The family of four was advised and sent on their way.

Just say ‘no’ to drugs
A man knocked on the door of a home in the 1300 block of Beach Avenue and asked the resident if he wanted to buy some heroin at around 9 p.m. Dec. 28. The man told the would-be dealer that he had the wrong house, and the resident called police. Officers were unable to locate the suspected dope dealer

ALIEN ENCOUNTERS: A woman, who had called Mayfield Heights police on several occasions in 2011 to report a variety of incidents, called once again Jan. 11. This time she complained somebody had been tampering with her mail as she had found the address label torn off her Allure magazine. She believed either her husband or the postman was responsible. She also told police aliens are watching her and reporting their findings to her half-family.

A ‘PLAYFUL’ DEER: A deer roaming around Highland Heights was seen with some interesting objects lodged between his antlers.
On Feb. 5, police were told a deer was found on Longspur Road with an entire swing set on his head. Eight days later, a resident reported the deer was seen with a single swing between his antlers. The deer didn’t stop there. He was spotted Feb. 17 with a playground slide crowning his head.
Every time police were notified of the deer’s whereabouts, they failed to find him. Though the antler decorations were not pleasant for the animal, they were a sight to see.

DISORDERLY CONDUCT, AURORA ROAD: While officers were handling the physical control arrest about 8:30 p.m. Dec. 19 at Solon Square, one noticed two individuals walking through the parking lot swearing loudly and kicking construction barrels around in the presence of others and near businesses and a children’s dance class. Arrested was a Cleveland man, 49, as well as a Solon woman, 41, who had an active arrest warrant through Twinsburg. She was taken to the Solon Jail to await transport to their custody.

FIGHT, PEARL ROAD: Police cited four men for disorderly conduct and a fifth for obstructing official business following a fight at 12:19 a.m. Dec. 15 at Dick Hoover Lanes. The bowling lanes manager told police that the four men, who were at the facility during open bowling hours, began yelling obscenities at her regarding lane maximums. The fight broke out when a league bowler stepped in to defend the manager.

MISCHIEF, INDIANHEAD LANE: A man had had enough of neighborhood children’s mischief at 9:15 p.m. Dec. 15.
He followed three youngsters who rang his doorbell and ran to a home, and when he spoke to a woman in the home she denied his accusations. The man wanted an officer to respond to advise the woman.
The officer did so, and also gave the three boys an "educational session on mischief."
 
MISCHIEF, FAIR ROAD: Police were told of five or six kids hiding behind a fence in a front yard throwing snowballs at passing cars and houses at 9 p.m. Dec. 26. Officers found the kids, who admitted to throwing snowballs and said they would stop.

THEFT, MAYFIELD ROAD: A Cleveland woman, 22, was arrested at Party Place around 11 a.m. Dec. 11 when she was caught placing items in her purse and bra. She paid for approximately $50 in merchandise but stole $55.42 worth of other merchandise. That afternoon, some of her family returned to the store and tried to return the merchandise she bought. They were told by store employees that the merchandise could not be returned because a theft was involved. The family became upset and began hassling the employees, reportedly calling them “dumb white people.”

DISTURBANCE, MARSOL ROAD: A man was assaulted Dec. 9 in a laundry room at the Marsol apartments by another tenant who pushed him against a wall. The assailant, a 39-year-old man, said the other man disrespected him by taking his clothes out of the washer and placing them on a counter. The victim claimed the clothes were left in the washer for three hours.

SUSPICIOUS VEHICLE, FOLTZ INDUSTRIAL PARKWAY: A man called police after he saw two vehicles parked at the dead end of the street at 4:45 p.m. Dec. 26, with tracks leading into the woods.
One of the trucks had a “roadkill plate” on the back, and it appeared there was a track from a sled. When people finally came out of the woods, they were just pulling their kids on a sled.

DISTURBANCE, ATLANTIC ROAD: A woman told officers she came home at 12:20 a.m. Dec. 24 to “a mess” and found a vial of an unknown substance she wanted Strongsville police to analyze.
When an officer arrived on the scene, the vial of the unknown substance turned out to be an unopened bottle of beer, and the woman told officers the mess was from her husband who frequently trashes their home.
The officer advised the woman that it’s his house too.

SUSPICIOUS SITUATION, CAMDEN CIRCLE: A family of 11 walking around in black robes caused some concern for a resident at about 10:40 p.m. Dec. 23.
An anonymous caller told police about the family, and that she was concerned the group belonged to a cult. Officers spoke to the family, which was actually throwing a Christmas party. The black robes were tuxedos.
Officers responded to the same home at 11:57 p.m. that day after a noise complaint that they were blasting music in the street. The officer found some guests packing their cars up and heard nothing but someone saying merry Christmas.
 

best of the blotter: calculators, pizza, and pregnant men

Employees at Ann Taylor at SouthPark Mall called security Oct. 16 when a man came into the store claiming to be pregnant with triplets.
A report said the man was wearing earrings and carrying a pink backpack and black purse.
Employees called security, who asked the man to leave, then escorted him out.

Not So Suspicious
A Greenbrier Drive resident reported receiving a package in the mail containing a threatening note and a piece of jewelry.
Police found no threatening note and a pretty good explanation for the package -- the resident's daughter had ordered a bracelet.

Time to start a fire
On Oct. 16, a pair of teenage girls decided it was time to round up several election yard signs and set them on fire in the 2000 block of 3^rd Street. They probably would’ve gotten away with the junior caper, but one of the girls decided her front yard was the best place to incinerate the signs. Both were cited for criminal mischief and released.

PETTY THEFT, BIDDULPH ROAD: A Cleveland man, 44, was arrested for petty theft at Giant Eagle Oct. 18. He tried to hide three cans of beer, two corned beef briskets, one pumpkin roll and four containers of pickling spices in a bag and in his jacket. The total value of the merchandise is $77.
He told the arresting officers he was trying to steal some dinner and “beer goes with corned beef.”


NOISE DISTURBANCE, ROYALTON ROAD: The excessive sounds of sawing or a dog wheezing in and adjacent apartment prompted a resident to call police at approximately 8 p.m. Oct. 27. The man also said his neighbor’s TV was too loud.
Officers went to the apartment and found the noise was actually the neighbor snoring. The caller was advised there’s nothing he could do.

MISCHIEF, PEARL ROAD: A man has had 53 political signs stolen from his yard and raw meat thrown into his yard during the last few weeks, and he told police at 11:30 a.m. Nov. 2 that someone had stuffed rocks into the exhaust pipe on his car.
The man said he would be installing video cameras.

SUSPICIOUS CONDITION, DETROIT ROAD: A woman said someone had placed a box on her car and she was concerned about what was in it. Baby shoes were found in the box on Nov. 3.

COMPLAINT, LAKE AVENUE: A man called police to say that it was suspicious that a passing driver said “trick-or-treat” at him Nov. 4.

Welfare Check
Passersby asked police to check on a man with long curly hair and a backpack walking on Webster Road about 10 a.m. Nov. 9 after he fell to a sitting position.
An officer took the man to Albion Road, where he planned to walk home. He just likes to walk around, a report said.

Robbery
A man told Shaker Heights police in the early morning hours of Nov. 10 that while babysitting a young child on Sydenham Road, he was the victim of a home invasion in which he was robbed of $280 in cash, his cell phone and vehicle. Two cordless phones were also taken from the home.
He later recanted, telling police he had in fact arranged for multiple female “escorts” to visit the home. The women physically assaulted him before robbing him and fleeing in his vehicle, he said. Police have yet to confirm his story.
The child was not reported injured during the incident.

FELONY SHOPLIFTING, SOUTHPARK CENTER: Office Max called police after someone stole $1,000 worth of Texas Instruments calculators at approximately12:30 p.m. Nov. 13. The store has the suspect on video, and the case is still under investigation. 

WELFARE CHECK, BOSTON ROAD: Strongsville police dispatchers received a glowing 9-1-1 call at 12:30 p.m. Nov. 12 from a 4-year-old girl, who called just to say she "loved policemen and wanted to give one a hug."
When asked where her parents were, the child said her mother was at work and then hung up. Officers called back twice and got a voicemail message. Officers checked the home and the girl was with her father.
No word on if the caller got to give the officer a hug.

Pizza frustrations — Mentor Police learned Friday that a trashed hotel room was the result of a frustrated man who could not get any pizza.
Daniel DiFranco of Willoughby is accused of causing more than $5,000 worth of damage to a room at America's Best Value Hotel. Mentor Police Lt. Ken Zbiegien said two or three inches of standing water was in the room, along with a disassembled bed and holes in the wall.

best of the blotter: yard signs, shrimp platters, and trying to pick up chicks.

ASSAULT: Customers at BW3 called police Oct. 10 after they witnessed a fight outside of the restaurant. A man said he was head-butted and believed his nose was broken but declined medical attention. He and his co-workers had a few drinks and were in the parking lot when a fight erupted over someone “calling shotgun.” The co-workers left the man at the bar and he had called his wife to pick him up. He did not want to pursue charges.

THEFT, BRAINARD ROAD: A woman reported Oct. 11 sometime overnight, someone had stolen two Obama election signs from her yard as well as her neighbor’s. She told police she had paid $20 each for the signs, and others appeared to be missing along the street as well. 

THEFT FROM YARDS, CHARDON ROAD: A woman reported Oct. 5 somebody stole her Barack Obama campaign sign from her yard. She said she purchased it four years ago for $29.95.
The next day, a man said three Obama signs were taken from his yard overnight.


DRUG POSSESSION, EAST BRIDGE STREET: A motorist did not help matters by telling police he had “soft hands.”
An officer stopped a vehicle at 1:15 a.m. Oct. 14 for a traffic violation. The driver was asked why he cut off another car. He said he was busy eating and was nervous when seeing three police cars in the area.
The officer asked the driver if he had been smoking marijuana, since there was a strong odor of the drug inside the vehicle. The motorist said he had not smoked marijuana since he was arrested by police last month. He said he rolled joints for his friends who had been in the car earlier. He said he did the rolling because he has “soft hands.”
Marijuana seeds and a small bag of suspected marijuana were in the driver’s-side door pocket. A large amount of alcohol also was in the car.

UNDERAGE POSSESSION OF ALCOHOL, DETROIT ROAD: Shoppers at Giant Eagle told police Oct. 7 a man in a car was following women in the parking lot as they exited the store. Officers located the suspect, a North Olmsted man, 18, who claimed to be practicing his night driving skills. When pressed further by police, the suspect eventually admitted that he was actually trying to pick up women, but none ever spoke to him. He was arrested when police found beer in the car. 

COMPLAINT, MADISON AVENUE: A woman told officers that a man she has a protection order against kept walking past the bar where she was Oct. 13.
She added that he was flexing his muscles and making faces through the windows.
Officers noted that they found the man across the street, nowhere near the bar.

ASSAULT, ORANGE PLACE: Three diners at the Red Lobster were arrested Oct. 10 after they went after employees who told them they could not share one “All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Platter.“ Police were dispatched about 6:30 p.m. for a report of a fight in the lobby and arrived to find three women in the parking lot who matched the suspects’ descriptions. They told police they were assaulted by several Red Lobster employees at the hostess stand. But the restaurant manager told police she had informed them they would have to purchase two more platters, at which point they became aggressive and were asked to pay their bill and leave. They continued to yell profanities on their way out, then one of them came around the hostess stand, with one employee being struck in the chest and another in the face with a blow that knocked her to the ground. When other employees attempted to break up the fight, at least one more was struck in the mouth. Two of the suspects were charged with simple assault, while the third is facing a disorderly conduct charge. Each posted a $250 surety bond. 

HARASSING TEXTS, EAST BEND DRIVE: A resident received a string of text messages asking if they wanted to buy bath salts just after 1:30 p.m. Oct. 12. When the person responded "wrong number," they received another message saying the seller wasn’t law enforcement.
Again they responded wrong number, but then were told they better buy them. The resident just wanted police aware and will ignore any more text messages from the number.

MULTPLE CHARGES, RIVER OAKS DRIVE: Two men were arrested just after 2 a.m. Oct. 6 at an apartment complex on River Oaks Drive. One man was stabbed during a fight over an AC/DC CD, according to police. Dana Petty, the man who was stabbed, was found kicking a glass door in an attempt to break in to an apartment.

best of the blotter: Kenny Rogers, Chuck E. Cheese, and Cupcakes

SUSPICIOUS PERSON, CREEKBEND COURT: A bus driver for St. Mary’s School in Berea said just before 8 a.m. Oct. 3 an older man who looks like Kenny Rogers was in the area walking a Cockapoo.
She has noticed the man walking the dog the past week, or so, and only when there is a little girl by herself at the bus stop.
The parents of the girl said they see the man, who is retired, all the time walking his dog, and everyone in the neighborhood knows him.

SUSPICIOUS PERSON, ROYALTON ROAD: A Strongsville Holiday Inn employee said a man, 56, was acting strangely at 2:30 a.m. Oct. 3.
He claimed he had $55,000 in his suitcase and wanted the clerk to call a limousine to take him to Florida. The man was described as having a gray beard and wearing a black T-shirt that said "Bite Me" on the back.
Officers said the man checked OK — he just needed a flight to Florida.
Later that day, at 7:30 p.m., the man refused to pay a $100 bill in the hotel lounge, and was complaining of chest pains. He was taken to Southwest General Medical Center, but was advised he was not welcome back at the hotel.

DISTURBANCE, WEST 130th STREET: Two kids in clown masks were running around the parking lot of the Boston Square Plaza Shopping Center at 7:45 p.m. Oct. 2, darting in and out of traffic throughout the lot.
An officer spoke to one of the children, who admitted he and his friends were goofing off. They returned home for the night.

No game for drug-dealing referee — If a Chardon man planned to sell marijuana after his gig as a referee at an area high school football game, he probably shouldn't have stopped to chat with officers.

Roger Ward, 22, was scheduled to work Westlake's homecoming game against Olmsted Falls last week. Before kickoff, he pulled into the Westlake Police station to ask where he should park. Instead of advice, he got arrested.

Police noticed the smell coming from his car and soon found marijuana in jars and plastic containers, cigars filled with marijuana, plastic baggies, a scale, a pipe, a knife and $1,391 in cash

Assault
A 25-year-old Hartville father took his three children to Chuck E. Cheese on Sept. 29 but quickly left after assaulting the manager over bringing in a bottle of tea.
According to a Fairlawn police report, the manager called police after he told the man he couldn't bring his bottle of tea into the establishment. The man started arguing with the manager and grabbed him by the neck.
The report said there were several witnesses and the incident was caught on security cameras.
Police caught up with the man near Target and charged him with assault. He was released with a court summons.


House gets cupcaked — A Bath Township woman decided not to answer a 1 a.m. doorbell ring on Sept. 30. When she woke up, she found goodies at — and on — her door.

The Rock Creek Road woman found several smashed cupcakes on her porch and front door. She's not sure who the culprit was and said there was no damage. She simply wanted police to document the incident.

Acorns falling, not BB gunshots
A woman told police that she wanted to make a complaint about someone shooting BBs at her home in the 1400 block of Orchard Grove Avenue at around 11:30 p.m. Oct. 4. Officers determined that it was likely falling acorns causing the noises she was hearing — not BB gunshots.

SUSPICIOUS SITUATION, SOUTHPARK CENTER: A Columbia Station man was trying to spread the gospel a little too overtly at approximately 1:30 p.m. Oct. 2.
A person reported that the man was trying to open car doors at SouthPark Mall. Turns out the man was only trying to put religious literature on the cars. He was advised not to do that.

best of the blotter: kids, guns, polka...

SUSPICION, ORCHARD GROVE AVENUE: A woman noticed a group of children playing in front of her home Sept. 30. She told police that one of the boys seemed to be holding a handgun.
Officers later determined it was a toy gun. They advised him and his parents about the complaint.

COMPLAINT, MADISON AVENUE: Officers spoke with a group of children who had been swearing at the park and told them to leave Sept. 29.

COMPLAINT, MADISON AVENUE: Police responded to reports of children hiding in trees and throwing acorns at passing cars. They surveyed the trees near Rosewood Park, but found no children.

COMPLAINT, THOREAU ROAD: Channeling their inner samurai, two teenagers spent the afternoon Sept. 30 running around with Japanese swords, chopping the limbs of trees.
Their games caught the attention of a nearby resident, who thought Japanese swords might be a bit dangerous.
An officer spoke with the boys and explained that they should probably pick up a new hobby, at least when on city streets.

BURGLARY, CHESTNUT DRIVE: A homeowner told police Sep. 29 somebody entered his unlocked home and stole a chainsaw and a television.

DISTURBANCE, MAPLEWOOD ROAD: Officers responded to Arbor Court apartments around 11 p.m. Dept. 21 for a report of people screaming and yelling obscenities. They told officers they were playing an intense word game. They were told to keep it down. 

EXPLOSIVES, LINDEN LANE: A woman said Sept. 24 she found a box of what she was told were training hand grenades and wanted to turn them in to be destroyed. The Suburban Police Anti-crime Network bomb squad was called to remove the grenades, which were believed to be fake, but the fuses were live.

SUSPICIOUS PERSON, MAYFIELD ROAD: A woman was seen in a car at BP around 11 a.m. Sept. 23 with a butcher knife. She told officers she was going to use it to prepare lunch after she went grocery shopping. A man who was with her, said he was not concerned for his safety but she was asked to secure the knife anyhow.

BULLETS AT BEST BUY 
Someone left bullets at Best Buy Sept. 29, a report said.
The store manager asked police to take the 9mm Rueger magazine with six bullets.
Twice in recent months, guns have been left behind in restrooms -- once in Walmart in August, and the other a week later at Panera.

Polka Party
Residents on Sassafras Drive called police about 10:30 a.m. Sept. 29 about loud polka music.
Police followed the music to a nearby home where residents were getting ready for a Serbian wedding.
The music was "extremely loud," a report said, and police advised the residents they would be cited if officers had to return.

best of the blotter: "profane music," happy balloons, and sauerkraut sandwiches

You Call that Music?
Police got multiple reports of a loud party Saturday night from all over the city.
One resident at Chestnut Lake apartments called about 9:30 p.m. and said the music could be traced to Broxton Drive.
A Pearl Road resident complained about "very loud, angry, profane music" in the area about 10 p.m.
Police said it sounded like a concert north of town. Dispatchers then confirmed with Berea police that Rock-a-Palooza was taking place at the fairgrounds.

Balloonery
A man reported six helium balloons caught in the electric wires on Prospect Road Sept. 7.
He said he was afraid they could explode or cause a fire.
Police said the Mylar and Happy Birthday balloons did not pose a hazard and probably came from a local business' anniversary celebration.

If it's too loud...
A garage band on Bowman Drive got some bad news from police after another noise complaint Sept. 6 -- no more garage practices.
A resident complained about 9:30 p.m. that the band practices -- loudly -- every Thursday night.
Police found the music was, in fact, loud and spoke with the homeowner, telling him that while years ago it wasn't a problem to play there, now that the area has been developed, it is.
The officer told him to either find a new place to practice or break up the band.

TRAFFIC DETAIL, LAKE ROAD: A few concerned residents called police to advise them that cars had been parked on both sides of the street Sept. 9.
Officers explained that they were allowed to do so due to “Come Home to Lakewood” tour, sponsored by the Lakewood Historical Society.
Nevertheless, the callers were quite upset.

A 12-year-old boy threw a fit after his mom made him a sandwich with sauerkraut on it. Then, when he and his mother argued, the boy called 911. Police gave him a lesson on proper use of 911.

THEFT, DRURY COURT: A woman said Sept. 4 a bottle of Lysol, frozen roast beef and $6 in quarters were missing from her apartment at the Schnurman House.

SHOPLIFTING, LORAIN ROAD: Workers at Drug Mart told police Sept. 5 a man tried to steel $36 in merchandise from the store. According to reports, the man tried to steal an air freshener, deodorant and a bottle of Taylor Swift perfume. He later admitted to police that he stole the items in question. He was charged with theft.

SHOPLIFTING, BROOKPARK ROAD: A man faces petty theft charges after workers at Walmart told police Sept. 6 he tried to steal alcohol and fake eyelashes from the store. According to reports, store employees watched as the man concealed five bottles of alcohol in a duffel bag and put two packages of Revlon eyelashes in the waistband of his pants. He was arrested and charged with theft.
 
HARASSING COMMUNICATION, NORMA DRIVE: A woman, 40, reported on Aug. 30 that she had been receiving unwanted text messages and phone calls from a man she dated about a year ago. The woman sent the man messages telling him to stop contacting her, but he continued, stating that she would eventually want to speak with him. In one instance, he sent her a photo of himself with a caption that read, “I look good.”
Police contacted the man and told him to stop contacting the woman or face possible charges.

best of the blotter: graffiti kills

Spray Painting Times 2
Two residents reported finding graffiti Saturday afternoon.
On Lake Forest Drive, someone spray-painted a word on the side of a resident's new truck sometime during the night.
And on Overland Park, a resident found a picture painted on an electric box.
The woman feared it was a gang symbol, but police said that was undetermined.

MISCHIEF, TRADEWINDS DRIVE: A man called police just after 11 p.m. Aug. 20, after he said somebody rang his doorbell and threw a sweet potato at his garage. According to the report, North Royalton police were searching their city because of similar incidents.

SOLICITING, MAYPINE FARM: A man knocked on a woman’s door Aug. 13 at 4:01 p.m. and handed her a tri-fold pamphlet. He told her a bad joke and she told him to leave. The man was advised to leave the area and get a permit.

DISORDERLY CONDUCT, DETROIT AVENUE: A drunken man got his head stuck in a flower pot Aug. 26. He was cited and released to a sober adult.

ASSISTANCE, NEWMAN AVENUE: A concerned man wanted officers to check out a friend’s Facebook page to determine if her posts were indeed sounding as depressing and suicidal as he thought. He was especially worried about a recent cryptic message that sounded like she was saying “good-bye.”
Officers looked into the matter and found out that she was simply closing her Facebook account.
COMPLAINT, HOPKINS AVENUE: A man reported getting a strange voicemail on his cell phone last week. Officers looked into it and spoke with the mother of the girl who has left the message. She said her 6-year-old was just making prank phone calls.

HARASSING COMMUNICATION, EDGERTON ROAD: What one man thought was a conversation with a college friend turned into a confusing encounter with a stranger.
On Aug. 15, the man reported receiving a text message from someone he believed was a friend from Miami University, where he attends college. But as the conversation went on, the man wasn’t so sure who he was talking to.
When the man asked who he was texting with, he received a reply that read, "I am Gotham’s reckoning. It doesn’t matter who I am, what matters is my plan, Mr. Wayne."
He also received a text that read, "When Miami is in flames, then you have my permission to go, Mr. Wayne."
The man ended the texts by saying a police officer wanted the stranger’s information. The man was concerned because he had shared where he went to school, his class schedule and other personal information.
Police tried to call the number used to text the man, but it was a texting service number that did not allow voice calls.

TRESPASSING, ROYALTON ROAD: A man without a shirt or shoes on caused a scene at Giant Eagle at approximately 8 p.m. Aug. 20.
When asked to leave because he wasn’t wearing a shirt or shoes, the man refused. Not only that, he began to undress in the lobby.
The man was eventually arrested for trespassing, disorderly conduct and theft of half a cantaloupe.

a connection is made

Being a somewhat shy lass averse to heavy drinking, I wasn't sure what to expect heading out to a bar in the suburbs south of heaven Parmastan, where some mixed fruity red drink named "zombie blood' or somesuch was sipped out of test tube-shaped glass and espresso cupcakes made by the birthday girl were consumed, in an establishment ensconced in a strip mall with black-painted walls and b-movie posters, Halloween on the tv over the bar next to the sports, King Diamond and Katatonia and chug-a-lug music on the jukebox that people in my old haunts evidently still dig, if the Chimaira shirt in the corner was any indication.

My logic with birthday gatherings among mostly strangers is that one doesn't expect to hang with the birthday person in question, especially when everyone's drinking more than you are, but her friends were friendly thoughtful folk, I found some somewhat kindred souls to laugh and swap stories with who didn't mind my total soberness. That shared inner-ring suburban culture goes a long way toward breaking the ice. Somehow among the goodbyes, a conversation thread involving sundry doomy rock and or roll started and the time slipped away until there were two of us left leaning against my car as it got dewy and we realized that it was almost 4am and were starting to feel kind of cold.

The espresso in the cupcakes must have been sufficient to keep me awake though I thought I was getting tailed by a cop on the highway by how close he was following me but it turned out to be an impatient third shift rentacop. Came home, felt sick, couldn't sleep, slept in til noon, which never happens, too achy for softball, had dinner with the extended family and got wistful over my aunt's pictures of Paris, excused myself from political arguments in the living room to talk about gardening in the kitchen and be goofy with the little guy, coming home tired again and sleeping late. I can't do these late nights like I once did but the lag still feels worth it.

best of the blotter: chicken wings, peaceniks, and water balloons

DISORDERLY CONDUCT, LORAIN ROAD: Officers arrested a man suspected of throwing chicken wings at a passing truck July 6 near Stearns Road. Police found the man walking along the road after the driver reported the incident. According to reports, the man approached officers with his arms extended and stated that “the area was safe and the nation was safe.” He then walked past the officers, ignoring their directions to stop. The suspect later told police he thew chicken wings at the truck, and he was upset that he could not walk down the street and eat. Officers reported that the man appeared to be under the influence of an intoxicating beverage. He was taken to his home and turned over to his parents. There was no damage reported on the truck.

CRIMINAL DAMAGING, UNION STREET: A Lagrange man reported that his 2008 Jeep was intentionally scratched just after 9:15 p.m. June 30. The car owner suspects a man who drove a blue car with a “peace” sticker. Police said the incident took place in a garage and may be related to a parking dispute.

ASSAULT, ROCKSIDE ROAD: Music being played on a laptop computer by customers at Denny’s, 6100 Rockside, resulted in a Parma man being punched in the face.
The assailant was one of two men who were playing rap music on a laptop at about 3:35 a.m. July 2.
The victim tried to prove a point by playing heavy metal music. One of the rap-playing men asked the heavy-metal man what his problem might be.
In reply, the latter made a lewd comment. For that, the rap-playing man punched the Parma man and left.

DISORDERLY CONDUCT (UTTERANCES), BRADLEY STREET: A woman, 30, involved in an ongoing neighbor dispute stated in the presence of police on the evening of July 6 that she planned to do whatever she could to make her property appear more “hillbilly” in order to lower the surrounding property values, especially for the immediate neighbors who are trying to sell their house. She said this would include putting up “Beware of Dog” signs, dogs being a central part of the dispute, since the neighbors contend she is already lowering their property value by not cleaning up after her dog. She also told police she had already done some legal research and spoken with their chief, who told her it was OK to stand in her driveway yelling curse words which was the basis for the latest call. The chief denied giving her such assurances, and she was cited. 

DEPARTMENTAL INFORMATION, CLEVELAND STREET: A woman, 94, reported on the evening of July 5 that she had been receiving annoying phone calls, the latest being a greeting that sounded like the Three Stooges intro as she answered the phone. She said she did not want to pursue the matter further; she just wanted the calls to cease. Police suggested contacting the annoyance bureau with her phone company, to possibly trace any calls.

ASSAULT-AGGRAVATED TRESPASSING, KLUSNER AVENUE: A Middleburg Heights man, 18, was arrested June 24 after he allegedly threatened people at a street party.
The incident started at about 9:50 p.m. during a water-balloon fight. A friend of the Middleburg Heights man became angry toward a woman and threatened to choke her.
The friend apparently called the Middleburg Heights man, who arrived at the party. He yelled at the woman about his friend being harassed.
The woman tried to calm the man but he pushed her. Witnesses thought they saw a handgun in the man’s waistband and someone called police.
Police found a hairbrush, not a weapon, in the man’s waistband.

best of the blotter

DISORDERLY CONDUCT, TAYLORS MILL TURN: Police arrested an intoxicated woman June 29 when she dialed 911 because her boyfriend was being “a jerk.”

WELFARE CHECK, HALSTEAD AVENUE: One man was concerned for his neighbor, who he said was under a voodoo spell and unable to take her medicine properly.
The woman turned out to be fine. She told officers she wanted the man to stay away from her.

COMPLAINT, LAKE AVENUE: A concerned resident called police to report that a neighbor’s sprinkler was spraying part of the sidewalk, forcing pedestrians to walk in the street for a little while.
Officers stopped out to the neighborhood and noted that the sprinkler was getting the sidewalk slightly wet, but not enough to force people into the street.


LOITERING, MINER: A caller told police that people were loitering on Miner Drive at about 9 p.m. June 25. An officer responded to a home on the road and determined that the alleged loiterers were a resident of the home and several friends. No charges were filed.

DISTURBANCE, DETROIT AVENUE: A local church was warned for allowing the band to do a sound check too early in the morning.
SUSPICION, WEST CLIFTON BOULEVARD: A caller notified police that a group of children on skateboards was sawing railings outside a local school.
Police arrived and noted that the children did not have any saws and the railing was not damaged.

DISTURBANCE, THOREAU ROAD: A large group of children were yelling and fighting. Several of them were exposing themselves to neighbors, one caller said.
Officers noted that the children were playing tag. Their parents were advised of the complaint.

UNDERAGE DRINKING, WENDOVER DRIVE: The fun ended after a group of teenagers took a party bus home from the Rascal Flatts concert at 1:52 a.m. June 30. A Willowick woman, 19, decided to play country music on her phone even though the other people on the bus told her to stop. A Euclid woman, 18, attacked the woman. Both women left with minor scratches and were arrested for underage drinking. The bus driver, a Garfield Heights man, 47, was arrested for allowing underage consumption of alcohol on the bus. 

Flowerbed Dispute
Some neighbors on Prospect Road who acknowledge they've been feuding for 26 years called police Saturday after one resident put a flower bed on the side of the house.
One man complained the flowers will prevent the neighbor from getting his lawn mower from the back yard to the front.
The neighbors acknowledged they were extending their landscaping to make sure the man doesn't come onto their property.
He will have to find another way to get to his front yard, they said.
Police said the matter was a civil issue, not a crime.

Tarantulas
A landlord asked police for an escort to her rental property for an unusual reason July 3 -- she was afraid of finding tarantulas there.
A report said the woman was afraid the tenants had left some behind in the Pearl Road apartment.
Police contacted Animal Warden Mike Roth, who said he would meet the woman at the property to check for spiders.
 
Litterbird
Witnesses complained about a woman in a truck throwing litter all over a parking lot on Pearl Road July 3.
The woman told polcie she wasn't throwing garbage -- she was throwing bread for the birds.

best of the blotter: cleaning fairies and bunkers

Bunker
A resident found an old bunker in a wooded area off Mohawk Drive May 22, and told police it looked like someone was living there, according to a report.
Police confirmed that someone was living in the structure, and went back a few hours later to see if he had returned.
He was. The man told police he thought the property belonged to a friend, and said he was trying to figure out a way to build a waterproof bunker.
He was told he couldn't live there. In addition, the report said the structure looked like it might collapse and is a hazard if kids play there.

Suspicious Sitting
Someone noticed two men sitting in a car in a Pearl Road paking lot for 45 minutes May 22 and called police, suspecting the men where shooting up.
Police found their were surfing, not shooting. They'd had lost their cable and were using the Wi Fi signal. They were told to move on.

You Yelled?
A Whitney Road resident told police his neighbors were having a domestic dispute May 21, saying he could hear a woman screaming in another language.
A report said the woman was yelling at her children to encourage them to behave.

RUDE NEIGHBOR, BRIDGESIDE DRIVE: A resident called police at 5:22 a.m. May 25 to report someone on a loud speaker was yelling, “Hello, neighborhood — time to wake up.” When officers arrived seven minutes later, the neighborhood was quiet, police said. 


THREAT, WEST CLIFTON BOULEVARD: A man texted his former boss to say that he wanted payment for work that he had performed. He threatened to initiate a “duel” if payment were not received.
The boss was advised to keep in touch with police if the man tried to start anything.

 RECKLESS DRIVER, PEARL ROAD: Police cited a man for drunken driving at 8:22 p.m. May 7 after receiving a call that he was driving recklessly in a motel parking lot. Witnesses said the man was doing “donuts” and nearly struck the motel sign. The man told police that he was taking a “victory lap” around the lot after meeting a girl and being offered a job that day. He failed a portable blood alcohol Breathalyzer test and was cited. The man had a previous DUI in 2007.

UNDERAGE DRINKING, VARIOUS LOCATIONS: Over the four-day Blossom Festival weekend, police made 23 arrests, 14 adults and nine juveniles, involving 33 charges. Of those, nearly 80 percent of those charges were alcohol-related, including the highest occurrence of underage consumption in four years, police noted, adding many of the underage arrests occurred in the Shopping Center parking lot.

At the same time officers were transporting the Bentleyville woman, a South Russell man, 18, approached the cruiser and started jumping up and down waving his arms wildly and saying, “that’s my best friend in the back seat.” When police told him they noticed an extreme odor of alcohol on him as well, he initially refused to give them his name, saying “C’mon, it’s Blossom Time!” He was also charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and failure to disclose personal information. Police said he later apologized for his behavior, and acknowledged he had acted “stupid.”

A Chagrin Falls boy was given a citation for his 17th birthday May 27 after an officer near May Court and Elm Court spotted him with a disposable cup that had his name on it, and also said “Not Alcohol.” The officer was not fooled, and found several unopened beers in the backpack left behind after several other juveniles with him denied having consumed any alcohol.


A Hunting Valley man, 19, was charged shortly before 5:30 p.m. May 27 with a beer in a brown bag. Police also seized two out-of-state I.D.s, one from Illinois and one from South Carolina, both of which made him 21 years old.

WESTLAKE -- Police have identified a real life cleaning fairy -- who may be flapping her wings into a jail cell.
The woman broke into a Westlake home, did some light cleaning, then left a bill.
The family thought a cleaning service sent someone to the wrong house, but the "cleaning fairy" told them it was no mistake, and they better pay up.
Sherry Bush has re-told the story more times than she can remember, and every neighbor wants to know about the cleaning woman who took the sign on her front door a bit too literally.

"There were some coffee mugs that my husband had out," Bush said. "She had washed them all."
Last week, while she was away and her daughter was sleeping upstairs, someone broke in the house, took out trash, vacuumed the carpet and cleaned up the playroom, Bush said.

"She wrote a note [on a napkin] and left it on the table, saying, '$75 I was here to clean,' and left her name and number," Bush said.

When the Bushes read it, they thought Sue Warren just cleaned the wrong house, so they gave her a call.

"I think our jaws just dropped to the ground," Bush said. "I said, what happened, did you get the wrong house? She said, 'no, I do this all the time.' I said, what do you mean? She said, 'I just stop and clean your house.'"

It isn't clear if Sue Warren does this all the time, but she did do it last month in Beachwood, and was charged with criminal trespassing.
A friend living at Warren's Elyria home said Sue is always working and owns her own business.
Sue Warren Cleaning can be found online.

"That's what she does for a living. She cleans," Bush said.
"Now that we've seen the job that she did, it was like whoa, $75? $15 maybe," Bush said laughing.
No charges have been filed against Warren yet in Westlake, but they may still come.
Despite the strange nature of these crimes, nothing was stolen from the homes.

best of the blotter: Zombies, Cookie Thieves, Law and Order, and Get Off My Lawn

SUSPICIOUS PERSON, BETA DRIVE: The suspected cookie thief returned once again to the Hilton Garden Inn April 27. This time he reportedly stole candy from the lobby before leaving.

THEFT, DETROIT ROAD: Two Cleveland men, both age 26, and a Euclid man, 54, face charges after police said they stole $856 in toiletries and other merchandise April 28 from a drug store. Employees called police after two of the suspects set off an anti-theft alarm while running from the store. The men were stopped on Crocker Road. One Cleveland man and the Euclid man were charged with theft. The other Cleveland man was charged with complicity as he drove, but did not enter the store. The driver is also wanted by Seven Hills police. The driver later told police that he was “used like a tool” by his accomplices. The Euclid man asserted his right to remain silent because “I watch Law and Order.”

COMPLAINT, LAKE AVENUE: A resident called the police to report that two men walking on the street were holding signs that read: “Call me.”
An officer explained that it was a group of St. Edward students promoting a mattress sale.
They were advised to stay out of the street.

NEIGHBOR TROUBLE, ALBION ROAD: A woman called to report that her neighbor had yelled at her husband after being hit with grass clippings.
The neighbor had originally headed to the woman’s house to complain about gravel and grass in her ditch from winter plowing. The couple’s son was cutting grass and grass clippings were blown onto the neighbor.
The woman was not injured. Everyone involved was advised to stay off each other’s property.

COMPLAINT, DETROIT AVENUE: Disturbed by a group of people dressed in Gothic clothing in the middle of the street, a caller reported them to the police, saying that they were blocking traffic.
The group was with the ninth annual Old School Sinema Zombie Walk and they were on the sidewalk, according to the responding officer.

if you lived here you'd be home by now

The camera of my worst scrapes and greatest adventures has bit the dust and has subsequently been replaced with a bulkier model with a slightly zoomier lens that doesn't fit so neatly in my purse, but at least the saving grace of the digital world is still being able to retrieve one's pictures when the camera goes kaput. This might be the only win it has over analog.



A couple months ago the weather thawed out for good, and I drove out to a gorge on the east side, and wished the hiking trail descended with the waterfalls but instead the route took me through the woods where there was dead leaves and dirty ground and squirrels and chipmunks galore. 

I stopped at the top of the park, behind the cul-de-sacs of lilliputian post-war American dreams, aluminum siding basementless ranches with little yards. This place in the back was supposed to be for more, but it never happened, just concrete slabs now overgrown, a road to nowhere.

The infrastructure was only half-finished, there are thorns and marshes, outcroppings of trees and birds, fire hydrants like part of a lost and unremarkable civilization.

One of the growing feelings I have is that this area will never come back, that future generations will watch the neighborhoods fallow, the houses collapsed upon themselves as some degree of nature reclaims them. Thriving centers like Timbuktu and boomtowns of the western states are now dusty and populated only by the stragglers, the coal mining towns where my family comes from are already emptying, and the trailers and company shacks that haven't fallen apart are hollow bodies with only the memories of formerly inhabiting souls, escaping like the tattered curtains from the broken windows. As the empire tightens its grip and collapses, I wonder what the future holds.

best of the blotter: fanny packs, gold chains, and "Irish garb"

Lots o' Diapers
A Northview Drive resident reported a fraud after finding someone used his Discover account to buy diapers.
The thief had ordered $545 worth of diapers online.

The Answer is Blowin' in the Wind
Police were called to Hawthorne Lane Friday morning when an alarm went off.
A resident also returned home and met police to walk through the house.
They found the culprit still inside -- a helium balloon. A report said it appeared the balloon floated past a motion sensor, triggering the alarm.

Suspicious masked person
Police received a call about a man wearing a black mask and wearing gold chains following a female jogger in the 14000 block of Athens Avenue at around 11 a.m. March 12. Police got another complaint of the man matching the description in the 14000 block of Detroit Avenue. Officers told the man about the complaints and sent him on his way.


SUSPICIOUS SITUATION, PEARL ROAD: A gang of teens wearing Irish garb was reportedly drinking in a Pearl Road parking lot March 17.
When police arrived they found a quart of unopened beer but found no one drinking.

AGGRAVATED MENACING, PETTIBONE ROAD: A woman, 62, accused of pulling a loaded revolver out of her fanny pack and brandishing it at neighbors — including a grandmother, 72 — was arrested March 19 at her home, where police said the suspect’s daughter, 10, stashed the weapon in a clothes dryer.