I'm sorry I'm no fun. You should know by now that I can't be fun all the time. You think I'd want to play depressing music if I wasn't depressed and needed a way to release it? I wish I could escape the way everyone does. Maybe it'd be easier for awhile. But since I don't I take it head on all the time and it makes me tired.
I don't self-medicate the way everyone else seems to. I don't drink when I'm depressed, I've never done a drug stronger than caffeine which if anything heightens the sense of everything being not. I eschew parties of all kinds this weekend because they bum me out. No birthday celebration, no Super Bowl. Your friends already think I'm lame for not smoking weed or getting wasted. I think they're lame because that's all they do. It wouldn't bother me that much if it wasn't to such excess and if I wasn't treated like a narc for not partaking. That means more for you right? Who cares.
I go hiking in the woods to clear my head. I go to sleep early. I have late night phone conversations with friends who've lost more people than I have in more tragic ways and don't even know what to say.
I told someone once that I've never had my heart broken by someone, but I'm realizing that I'm wrong. Everything is breaking my heart. I could blame Cleveland but I think this could be anywhere.