dowagery

One of my friends got engaged this weekend, another's moving in hopes that a new neighborhood might mean making some connections with other likeminded souls, and certain folk who don't know me too well think they know me well enough to set me up with their coworkers, leading to awkward small talk misconstrued as soulmate preliminaries.

No, I'm not sure I want to chat on facebook or continue a conversation where I felt like everything I said made your eyes look more hungry, and aren't there women closer to your age, maybe, since I was six years old when you were old enough to vote? We might have stuff in common, but your myspace page says you've got some kids, and maybe we like some of the same bands but I'm a little creeped out by the combo of books by motivational preachers and kinky sex. I know we've all got our incongruities but my already-skeptical gut feelings and with such evidence, I figure it's best not to leave anyone hanging so I wrote back with a thanks-but-no-thanks response that will hopefully be sufficient in rebuffing.

I used to be really passive-aggressive about this kind of thing, and I've realized that it's cowardly and unfair on my part to string anyone along, and also some people find it hard to take a hint and such. I've got enough good going on in my life that I'm not sure I'd want to rearrange that for just anyone, and I've been more content with where I'm at than ever.  


Picky? Probably, and maybe it's western and too modern of me to believe in friendship, of camaraderie of both the soul and the mind, because we all get old and ugly someday and I still want to be able to have something there. More and more I feel like I've got myself together, but upon that happening, I've realized that I don't tie my worth to another's attraction and for some reason that's strangely empowering. If something ever happens with someone, it won't be because I got desperate or felt inadequate somehow on my own.