long division

a friend's birthday, all of these faces and friendships sustained over the last decade, borne out of peonage and punkery and roommating and conversations both sublime and absurd, and I had a conversation that gave me a moment of clarity and when I thank her she says, "I listened to you but you know what you needed me to say" and she's right.  you both deal with your problems differently, and there's no way you can reconcile that... 

and I don't know how to let go, how to let down easily, how to let it die back without it hurting either of us, though I think we've both been doing that, but then I'm always been proved wrong, and despite the lack of demarcations and the plethora of ambiguities, I know it will hurt, whether now or later, and that I will have to reckon with returning to the solitude, of wondering if there will be anyone else who will make me feel so blissful even for an imperfect moment in this town where everyone leaves.