Sunday, March 23, 2014

i feel the half that is missing...

it's cold in my apartment, a weekend that began with my dad in the hospital again getting more blood transfusions for another internal bleed, running errands for my mom, picking him up the next day, all of the family coming in for her birthday last night, going out with Kentinista ladies for smart lady talks, out to the east side for a friend's birthday and getting existential about the state of the city while driving through the hood. I got news that a friend's kid ran away and that he's now okay, I'd run away too given the situation. I attempted to counsel friends on relationships (while ignoring once again the problems inherent in our own), rigged up the milk crate to the back of the three-speed for errand running and bike-riding in weather too cold for such things due to the cabin fever, getting frustrated as people fall of the wagon again and again and knowing there's not much one can do.

And now I've awakened after passing out on the couch early and cancelling plans due to strange bone chills, feeling a little sad when he says we're so much alike and I can only think of the irreconcilable differences that make those compatibilities irrelevant, is it sickness or the drop in temperature or a tired body finally dealing with the weight of the mind, it's hard to say, probably a bit of everything...

1 comment:

  1. hope you get some healing rest and maybe a bit of peace
    A life should leave
    deep tracks:
    ruts where she
    went out and back
    to get the mail
    or move the hose
    around the yard;
    where she used to
    stand before the sink,
    a worn-out place;
    beneath her hand
    the china knobs
    rubbed down to
    white pastilles;
    the switch she
    used to feel for
    in the dark
    almost erased.
    Her things should
    keep her marks.
    The passage
    of a life should show;
    it should abrade.
    And when life stops,
    a certain space—
    however small—
    should be left scarred
    by the grand and
    damaging parade.
    Things shouldn't
    be so hard.
    -kay ryan