Saturday, March 30, 2013

spring has broken

I went to a Good Friday service with my folks last night instead of hanging out in an old cathedral listening to requiems, and I was kind of zoned out through most of it, not all religious experience is warm and fuzzies, sometimes it doesn't feel like anything as much as you'd want it to. But I'm sure a lot of this is what's going on with the body if not the soul. I have these moments of disbelief and skepticism still, it's a good thing we're not asked of anything larger than a mustard seed, and I guess I'd make a horrible Calvinist because that line of reasoning already amplifies my doubts.

And so sleep, and dosing with nyquil and dayquil, exiting music practice early because I felt like I was going to fall over and usually that leads to inflicting those I love with irritability, which no one wants. More sleep, laying out a sleeping bag on my balcony since there's no furniture on it, just a discarded drop cloth and some discarded liquor bottles from my landlady's lousy contractors, a walk with my neighbor, currently sitting at the local coffeeshop banging out more of the giganto paper, generously illustrated with pictures of reliquaries and Northern Renaissance art. Because. 700 more words and I'll be golden, though most of the relevant sources are in German or Latin and I suck American style at languages other people know. 

I know this fatigue of all kinds is in part the product of a stuffy nose and a tired brain. It's just so beautiful outside right now I just want to be awake enough to live it.


  1. happy easter!

  2. On Easter morning all over America
    the peasants are frying potatoes in bacon grease.

    We're not supposed to have "peasants"
    but there are tens of millions of them
    frying potatoes on Easter morning,
    cheap and delicious with catsup.

    If Jesus were here this morning he might
    be eating fried potatoes with my friend
    who has a '51 Dodge and a '72 Pontiac.

    When his kids ask why they don't have
    a new car he says, "these cars were new once
    and now they are experienced."

    He can fix anything and when rich folks
    call to get a toilet repaired he pauses
    extra hours so that they can further
    learn what we're made of.

    I told him that in Mexico the poor say
    that when there's lightning the rich
    think that God is taking their picture.
    He laughed.

    Like peasants everywhere in the history
    of the world ours can't figure out why
    they're getting poorer. Their sons join
    the army to get work being shot at.

    Your ideals are invisible clouds
    so try not to suffocate the poor,
    the peasants, with your sympathies.
    They know that you're staring at them.

    "Easter Morning" by Jim Harrison