Saturday, January 21, 2012

find my nest of salt, everything's my fault

So I wonder if my love is conditional when the heart is full of more exasperation than forgiveness and even if God is love perfected there was a whole lot of destruction bound up in that too that I just can't wrap my head around. Sorry Francis of Assisi, it's damn hard to sow love in the mire of hatred without coming way too close to being sucked in.

We all could play the blame game, the primary competition in the Suffering Olympics. Who hasn't felt burned, who hasn't borne the brunt of someone else's casual cruelty. Even the worst among us still has feelings, but those feelings are no absolution.

I apologize for what I said, not expecting acceptance or reconciliation or even anything resembling love. To continue to exist there needs to be some degree of truth and mutual owning up, which doesn't always happen. I crave resolution but that can only come when both entities are willing to own up. I do the best I can, but if you're not moving, we can't meet halfway.


  1. Some might say you should walk one more quarter of the way. Some are yahoos.

    (one is never too old for teenage angst, silly rabbit)

  2. good to remember I think that agape/caritas is different than eros.