Monday, November 12, 2012

you can't understand a user's mind...

So this whole addiction thing, this crippling thing, this exasperating thing. I'm told you just don't understand  and I don't, and maybe that's judgmental of me, because I don't have these problems. I get depressed and stuff too, but I've tried to hurt as few people as humanly possible and found better ways to deal than shopping and drinking? Not everyone pulls their life together, there's some degree of luck of the draw and some degree of using what resources you do have and I just don't have an answer besides "I just can't talk about this anymore" because I'm sick of enabling and excuses.

And I'm wearing thin on empathy, dear God I don't have the love and patience that I wish I did. It's not that I don't care, I don't know how to love, when to let things slide, when to call them out. I can't imagine being the parent of this, when it's hard enough to be an older sister and seeing people who could be so much more lose this battle either dry drunk or reclusive, seeing her go down that road and slipping away further. Maybe part of the anger is the helplessness and then the visceral reaction to the profound self-absorption and the sociopathy. I struggle sometimes with my love of music made by addicts, because I get the feeling that the others in their world who didn't perpetuate hurt like this too.

No comments:

Post a Comment