Downtown, there was partying by the bright young things and the nannystatism that ruled out participation by the elderly and the kids, but ours was homemade Cambodian food, some shots of honeyed whiskey, and just hanging out, getting shy when his friend says "oh isn't she the most awesome girl ever you're so lucky" when we're not together in that way, but we hug at midnight while the other couples kiss, and that's how 2014 started, driving around listening to X and basking in the glow.
A cold night where I felt warm and welcomed and stayed up too late, stayed up too late too many days in a row, which coupled with a couple snow days due to the weather, and a couple sick days in between with a nasty headcold in which I dosed myself with Nyquil and slept a lot, I realized it's been awhile since I've been on here.
Maybe it's that everyone's breaking their new year's resolutions within 24 hours or that my sister just got out of rehab but I get frustrated that so much of our culture's sense of fun is wrapped up in how much you drink, and I find myself trying to refrain from saying too much because people make their own decisions, it's their own bodies and their own choices but it hurts me to watch the continual struggle and to feel complicit even if it's not my fault. people ask how I get by on so little and it's because my main vice is so cheap, because caffeine costs less than booze and it leaves me less prone to make bad decisions. I look at what my broke friends spend at the bar and don't know how they do it and this is all around me.
Maybe it's the one thing that numbs the frustration of getting older in a dying city and finding that things aren't quite working out. Maybe it's that while I get depressed here, I'm really not that upset with where I'm at. Maybe I just get drunk on religion instead even though I feel like I still sometimes wake up with a hangover of occasional existential crisis and unanswered questions.
And there are other things happening too. Part of me feels like life's been on hold since it began snowing and I was clearing 3-foot drifts from my driveway and hoping the pipes wouldn't freeze upstairs and getting cranky on the neighborhood association facebook page because I get sick of all the paranoia about The Other, namely anyone who might be a minority or smoking a cigarette and oh noes a pawnshop is moving in next to the martini bar and that's so not family friendly even though this same drag is home to a pole dancing studio, a massage parlor of dubious provenance, and other establishments that would be an anathema to nimbys elsewhere.
Me and the neighbor walked down to the water and marveled at the glorious turbulence of wind and ice. An old friend from the Kent days when I hung out with a bunch of punkers is putting together a new band where I might end up playing bass in something 70'sish. We both have an affinity for punk and classic rock, being children from the suburbs of a certain generation and the last time we played together was some late-night jamming on cheap Japanese guitars to Alice Cooper records in a crummy apartment. The other project on half-hiatus is going again, and we've resumed our routine of dinner and playing guitar and random adventures. It feels like going everywhere and nowhere at once.
oh and I played cold weather songs yesterday, because despite not working, I believe in maintaining the sounds of college radio against all odds, here's a few.