Strange how a sense of detachment evolves into the existential panic. There's no way for me to be numb for too long, and I wish I could dial down the intensity at will, sometimes I am jealous of these people who can shut down their emotions and humanity and pretend that the world isn't so messed up. I explain it to someone as throwing a big giant teenage temper tantrum at God because there's things that are just so unfair, things that I just don't understand, and so on and so forth.
In the meantime, there were beautiful things... museum and pizza and chasing wild turkeys through the cemetery with a partner in crime, wandering down to the lake last night with the neighbor when there was a tornado watch, which we didn't know at the time, but we were euphoric on the beach as the wind spun leaves in spirals around us and the wind howled like it was the end of the world and the lightning was panoramic and glowing over the dark water and the transformers were exploding like fireworks on the other side of the tracks.
I wish I had my camera even though it was so dark, and the flash does it no justice. I wish I had a kite, I get such a rush from stormy weather. Somehow we didn't get rained on until we were almost back and I dried out in his apartment, sitting on the couch in my sopping jeans, stripping off my sweater and hoodie and jacket and we talked about things various and sundry, and since we swing different ways, there's not that romantic tension, there's an ease there that I've been missing because I'm used to girl drama but boy drama is another thing entirely and we can both relate on this. there are other things afoot, but that would be oversharing and I don't know who all reads this in my big little town.
And I played a bunch of punk rock this morning
In the meantime, there were beautiful things... museum and pizza and chasing wild turkeys through the cemetery with a partner in crime, wandering down to the lake last night with the neighbor when there was a tornado watch, which we didn't know at the time, but we were euphoric on the beach as the wind spun leaves in spirals around us and the wind howled like it was the end of the world and the lightning was panoramic and glowing over the dark water and the transformers were exploding like fireworks on the other side of the tracks.
I wish I had my camera even though it was so dark, and the flash does it no justice. I wish I had a kite, I get such a rush from stormy weather. Somehow we didn't get rained on until we were almost back and I dried out in his apartment, sitting on the couch in my sopping jeans, stripping off my sweater and hoodie and jacket and we talked about things various and sundry, and since we swing different ways, there's not that romantic tension, there's an ease there that I've been missing because I'm used to girl drama but boy drama is another thing entirely and we can both relate on this. there are other things afoot, but that would be oversharing and I don't know who all reads this in my big little town.
And I played a bunch of punk rock this morning
have you tried zazen/centering-prayer? might give you a bit of breathing-room (pardon the pun) when the waves hit you.
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